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Breaking: Llama spotted flying helicopter

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A local man spotted a llama piloting what looked like a home-made helicopter in the skies above Trinity early Tuesday morning. “I couldn’t believe my eyes,” said Gerald Butt. “I had to do a double take to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing.” Officials from the Wildlife Division of the Department of Environment and Conservation confirmed to Tint of Ink that a rogue llama had indeed illegally commandeered a helicopter and is currently flying over Trinity Bay. “We are working diligently to bring the situation to a peaceful and safe conclusion,” said Wildlife spokesman James Howlett. It is unknown at this time if the llama has a legal helicopter license. More on this story as…

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MUN Cafeteria to start serving nearly fully-cooked food

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  ST. JOHN’S – Memorial University announced today that the cafeteria would begin phasing in food which is “almost fully-cooked”. Students have been protesting recently that the food served at the cafeteria by the catering company Aramark was undercooked and a health hazard. Students have been sharing horror stories of pink meat and raw oysters which are sending some students to the hospital. “We are aware of the problem and will begin serving food which is closer to being properly cooked,” said MUN spokesman Bruce Llosis. Aramark and Memorial University say that serving fully and properly cooked food is just too expensive, so students will have to make do with food which is nearly fully-cooked. “Students only pay around $3000 a…

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University professor vows to actually be in office during office hours

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ST. JOHN’S – A new professor of history at Memorial University of Newfoundland has made a bold vow to be in his office during his posted office hours. “The university requires us to have 4 hours a week of office hours,” explained Richard Kimble, PhD. “Most professors make a least two of those hours during their classes, so they obviously can’t be there during that time, and the other two hours usually have an asterisk that says “*by appointment”. We know full well that no undergraduate and almost no graduate students actually make appointments.” This move has caught the rest of the faculty by surprise and some are not happy about it. “This is ridiculous. All tenured professors know that you…

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St. John’s to add new colour to traffic lights

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The standard red, yellow, and green traffic lights will be getting a makeover in St. John’s to accommodate the driving styles of the city’s residents. It is a well-known fact that drivers in St. John’s turn left long after the yellow arrow has disappeared from the light. “We spent a year researching driving habits in the city,” explained city planner Rex Hutton. “We noticed that many drivers continue to turn left even when they shouldn’t. Starting in the spring, we will be adding a blue arrow after the yellow.” Hutton explained how this is going to work: “A green arrow means go, a yellow arrow means only go if it issafe, a blue arrow means please please don’t go and…

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NL Hydro to increase rates after doing such a great job last year

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Last winter, thousands of people across Newfoundland and Labrador were without power for extended periods of time during the coldest months of the year. NL Power and its parent company, Nalcor Energy, believe it is time to raise the rates for its customers. The proposed plan would increase rates paid by customers on the Island Interconnected System by 2.8%, and 1.9% for customers on the Labrador Interconnected System. “We had a lot of problems last year, I’ll admit” said Nalcor Energy’s Peter Joules. “But if we charge people more money for our service, we can then give our executives a pay raise and hope they do a better job.” Nalcor Energy and Newfoundland Power are completing upgrades to the infrastructure…

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